Mindsets That Matter: A Better Way to Ask For Help

Read time: 4 minutes.

Hi 👋

Welcome to Build Things That Matter, where you will receive weekly tips, strategies, and insights to help you develop mindsets, systems and skills that matter to create a lasting, positive impact on your business.

Today, you’ll get the #1 way to ask for help. (It’s how my org grew to teach hundreds of thousands of people each year.)

At the very first workshop the company I co-founded hosted, Ladies Learning Code, we decided that we wanted our workshops to be social, collaborative and hands-on.

We also knew that when people learn something technical like coding for the first time, they often struggle with the “language.” Coding, or the language computers understand, is really literal.

Like learning any language, if you don’t understand the syntax (the way words and phrases are arranged), you might not get the result you want. People quickly jump to “I’m not good at coding” when really they just haven’t figured out the language yet.

To help learners overcome this, we committed to a 4:1 ratio of learners to mentors. That means that for every four learners, there was one mentor—an expert from the industry—who would work alongside them to help them follow along or move ahead. Our mentors made all the difference.

It’s why a couple of months in, our workshops would sell out in 30 seconds or less. (It was harder to get tickets to a Ladies Learning Code workshop than a Taylor Swift concert!)

After a few months and the organization began to scale rapidly - including Chapters across the country, I started to lose sleep.

How will we ever get hundreds, or thousands, of volunteers to give up their full Saturdays to help our community learn?

It was the whole value proposition.

As someone raised to be fiercely independent, I already had such a difficult time asking anyone for help. (Turns out I’m not the only one. The social threats like uncertainty or risk of rejection that come from asking for help activate the same brain regions that physical pain does).

I couldn’t imagine how we’d ask for help at scale or that anyone would keep saying yes. I thought our business would never sustain the pace of growth and already was working on Plan B through Z.

Then someone shared something that completely shifted my perspective forever.

THE MINDSET

“How will we ever get hundreds, or thousands, of volunteers to give up their full Saturdays to help our community learn?”

Do you notice the language I used there?

“Give up”.

Whenever I asked for help, I had this deeply held belief that I was inconveniencing the other person. That I was taking something from them - their time, their expertise.

That belief made it hard for me to ask for help and hard to believe that people would be willing to offer it.

The reframe: 

If you ask for help and think you’re taking something from someone, it’s going to feel that way.

Instead, if you ask for help, think about the value you can give them.

Taking vs. giving.

This shift has completely changed the way I ask for help about anything - from volunteers, team members, mentors and even friends.

For this to work, you must change your mindset and be committed to giving.

When you ask for help:

1. Be Super Specific:

   • Clearly state what you need help with and how someone’s specific skills or expertise make them uniquely qualified to help.

   • This forces you to understand your ask and, more importantly, understand the person you're asking helping from.

   • It helps you create value and over-deliver later and helps them understand if, what, and how they can help you and what's in it for them.

2. Create Value:

   • Consider what you can give, tell them and give it!

   • Maybe it's reciprocating with your own time or skills.

   • Maybe it's in the form of a professional development opportunity, the chance to contribute to a meaningful cause or even the satisfaction of helping someone achieve their goals.

3. Over Deliver:

   • Genuinely acknowledge and appreciate their contributions. (Thank you notes, social shoutouts, and a verbal thank-you go a long way!)

   • Keep them informed about the progress and outcomes of what they helped with with a follow up in a couple days, weeks or month’s time. Don't skip this step!

WHY IT WORKS

People want to help.

People also want to see or know the impact of their help—knowing that their actions created the results they intended. This is fundamental to human motivation, and according to research by Adam Grant, it makes them happier and more productive, too.

Our mentor tickets consistently sell out first, and we often have a 3:1 or 2:1 ratio of learners to mentors. And, 80% of our mentors actively encourage others to volunteer with us after their experience. This creates an amazing experience for everyone—a win-win!

Embrace the village around you, and don't hesitate to ask for help.

When you do, ensure you give and you’ll create a ripple effect that amplifies your impact far beyond what you can imagine.

Until next week, let’s keep building together 🫶🚀

Mel

P. S. Building things is hard, and we need more people to do it. If you enjoyed this newsletter, consider forwarding it to a friend. Thanks in advance!

If you’re looking for more bite-sized weekly tips, you can follow me on LinkedIn.

If you want to dive deeper, you can work with me for 1:1 coaching.

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